Make love like a pro!
If your between-the-sheets action was scored like a football game, would you be leading the league in touchdowns or, worse, penalties? If it’s the latter, it may be time to bring in a new coach (so to speak). Raise the level of your “game” with the wisdom of award-winning porn star Mr. Marcus, author of The Porn Star Guide to Great Sex. Below, he shares his best tips for raising your getting-busy game to the next level and putting yourself back on a winning streak.
Q: What are some things women have all wrong when it comes to pleasing men?
A: Women should stop the thinking that all men like the same thing, sexually. There really are different strokes for different folks — both literally and metaphorically. Sometimes people hold back in the bedroom until they’re comfortable enough to share what they really enjoy, so don’t expect to immediately know everything about how your man likes things sexually. If you’re trying new things in the bedroom, give it time to work and find what’s comfortable. At the same time, always remember that it’s OK to not be “into it” and move on to something — or someone — that works for you.
Q: What should women do more and less of when it comes to sex?
A: A few guys that I talked to jokingly said they would want their women to perform more oral sex. While most men would obviously put that at the top of the list, I think it’s relative to a woman’s ability and desire to perform the act. As far as what women should do less…I don’t know how many women do this, but “faking it” is not doing anybody any good. How are we as men supposed to improve sexually if we’re led to believe that we’re doing a good job when we’re really not? Honesty in the bedroom may be tough, but good things can be learned from it.
Q: What are some things men have completely wrong when it comes to pleasing women?
A: Men should not assume all women want to take it slow; there are women who enjoy a good round of rough sex. Though there are some women who like both, and men have it totally wrong if they think they have to have sex in only one gear. A man can generate a better response from his mate if he’s able to shift gears during sex and mix things up.
Q: What should men do more and less of when it comes to sex?
A: Staying aroused longer has got to be the number one request from women. Using pills isn’t necessary; there are sexual control techniques men can use. A good way to build control is through masturbation, which can teach you what it takes to arouse you and keep you aroused. The payoff is a more refined stroke, and the stroke is seriously important when pleasing a woman. Masturbation can also teach you how to pace yourself. When I’m extremely excited, my body acts differently, but when I calm my nerves and pace myself, I take control over what I can do sexually.
Q: Having sex in the bedroom can get boring sometimes! What are some other surprisingly sexy places to try it?
A: You know, if you take the red-eye flight from Los Angeles to Miami, you’ll find the majority of the passengers are fast asleep. If you’re bold enough, you and your mate have an opportune time to join the “mile high club.” Another good place is during a baseball game. Try to get nosebleed seats that are way up high and away from the crowd. It should provide an elevated height of arousal. For a really sexy time, try renting a carriage ride in Central Park, NY and give the driver a $100 tip to keep going around in circles for awhile.
Q: Should couples try having a threesome to spice things up? If so, what are your thoughts on setting “rules” when it comes to threesomes? How should people go about finding a third partner, etc.?
A: Threesomes can be overrated and lead to complications in a relationship; but if you’re willing to give it a shot anyway, first and foremost, make sure it’s a shared desire and if so, then that’s when the fun really begins. Men, if your woman is into it, listen to her requests and try to grant them — you’ll be happier in the long run if she’s happy. Plus, if you give her what she wants the first time around, she’ll be more inclined to let you have your way the next time around. If women are looking to include another man instead of a woman, rules become especially important, because if you’re the “third,” the man in the couple may allow you to be with his woman, but he will expect the original relationship to be respected. In terms of finding your “extra,” try going online and looking for parties or events where there are willing participants looking for a threesome. Do your homework when finding a place to meet up with other swinging singles and make sure to communicate what you are looking for so that there is no unexpected awkwardness.
Q: What are some positions that men and women find particularly enjoyable that most couples might not have tried before?
A: Try having sex in the shower! The standing position can be erotic when water is cascading down your backs. For added incentive, try having the woman get on top while the man lies on his back in the tub and while watching the water run down her body. Water can be a great aphrodisiac. A new (and old) favorite is having the woman lay flat on her stomach (legs can be spread or closed, depending on the desired sensation) as the man enters her from behind and above as if he’s performing pushups, with the woman resting beneath him. Another good position is the missionary position, but for an added twist, try having her elevated on something like a corner table or sitting in a chair, so that it’s performed with the man standing as she sits legs open, missionary style. In that position he should be able to control depth and angle, along with speed and technique.
Q: What advice would you give to a couple interested in integrating toys into their sex lives? What are some good ones for beginners to try, or for couples who are more experienced using toys and want to take it to the next level?
A: When introducing toys into your sexual experience, it’s best to start small and work your way up. Some men can feel insignificant when bringing a toy into the bedroom, so women, be sure to remind your man that it’s there to enhance the sex between the both of you, not to replace him. If you really want to have him respond positively, then have him pick out the toy he wants to use on you. Men, if you want to try out a toy with your woman, let her pick which one she’s comfortable with. My recommendation for beginners is the Pocket Size Golddigger vibrator, which is jewel-encrusted and has three levels of speed. If you’re looking for the latest and greatest, check out toys from companies like Doc Johnson, TOPCO and Pipe Dreams.
Allison Kendall is a freelance writer based in Atlanta, GA.